and I'm not too fond of it
Life is full of uncertainty, I knew.
We can’t predict what’s going to happen tomorrow, or 3 hours after, (I assume most of us can still predict 10 minutes scenario at least most of the time).
and, I wouldn't say I like it.
Tonight, on April 1st, after the long Easter weekend, it's 12:45 AM WIB and I can't seem to fall asleep. Although my eyes are heavy and tired, I can't help but feel regret for wasting the entire long weekend sleeping. It's not something I'm proud of. Well, excuse for the fasting (haha, I should catch up with my reading Qur’an list).
In 3 days I will be back to my hometown, yup for Eid Day. But, I suddenly lost the interest and the excitement. I’d rather stay in my rented room and do something familiar to me, back to my hometown feels like a lot of uncertainty.
Ofc, I miss my family. But, getting back to something that I’ve been far from for 1 year feels like a lot of homework to do. Catching up with my little brother who just did the terrible things that we just found out, knowing that my grandpa’s house is very crowded and hot, getting back to my room with no internet (my mom just cut off the wifi subscription due to nobody’s home), and put my job aside due to the holiday between these tight deadlines…
I hate it.
I know I should not feel like this, or assume everything will get too packed and busy. I know I should be excited to meet the part of my bloodline, the one who will always be there for me,
and that’s the reason why I hate the way I hate it.
Or, actually what happening is I crave perfection, and I like everything in line, and when I assume it will be chaotic, I tend to go away.
or, I just should sleep and prepare for Suhoor, I need to get ready for Monday.
